Just thought I'd post a picture of what I wore when I went out last week to the TG evening at the Turbinia. It's a bit of a change from my usual look - pink skirt and white blouse with grey tights.

I had another really good night. Lots of talking to other girls - both tv and ts. I hope to go back again this month, because this one was really my February night out which got postponed to the beginning of March. We'll see...

( Behind a cut, though )

It's done! I have completed. Now I just need to read it and see if it's any good or if it's self-indulgent tranny crap. And then get other people to read it to confirm my opinion. Well, if it's the former. If it's the latter, ain't no-one else gonna get their mitts on it.

And, to celebrate, I'm going out dressed tonight. I tried for the last two weeks, but life kept getting in the way. But tonight, it's definitely happening!

Anyway, have a word count:

19,717 / 19,717 (100.0%)

I'm off out dressed tomorrow night. I'm going to see a band called 'Ever Since The Lake Caught Fire' which has one of my work colleagues in it.

And I'm angsting a little. This will be the first time in a VERY long time that I've been out somewhere where (a) I don't know everyone - Candy is going and so are some other people from work but there will still be lots. And lots. Of people there who I don't know and (b) it's a non-transgender-oriented evening. So, yeah, a bit nervous.

Of course, part of the nervousness comes out in 'what am I going to wear' angst. But there is a definite butterflies-in-the stomach feeling for which lack of clothing doesn't account.

I'm sure everything will be fine - for a start, it'll be dark inside the venue and for another, I'll be with someone who is about 6'16" tall. Not that I'm expecting him to wade in if anything does start to happen but having someone like that around has got to give people pause for thought. And it means there will be someone there who will be taller than I am, even in my heels.

I had a lot of fun last night. I was nervous before I went, because I didn't know what to expect and the previous experiences I've had with social groups have been pretty bloody awful - the worst one was an evening where everyone sat around talking about football and cars. I knew that I didn't want that again. Unfortunately, I didn't really know what I did want - other than a chance to go out somewhere dressed.

However, there was no hint of either these subjects last night. I got there around nine o'clock and was immediately greeted by Michelle, the organiser and introduced around. A couple of the girls (which is how they described themselves, although it's not something I'm especially comfortable with) - Jane and Rachel - almost immediately took me under their respective wings and spent most of the evening chatting to me about various different things. But not cars and football.

I also chatted with a few other girls, but it was mainly Jane and Rachel.

The TG's there were mostly older than me and a few younger and they ranged from extremely convincing to not at all passable and there were both tv's and ts's. Clothing choices ranged from smart skirt and blouse outfits to tarty miniskirts. But, it really wasn't about passability or anything like that. It was about a place to be where they could feel happy, safe and comfortable and able to wear whatever they liked. And, as such, it's a complete success.

So, yeah. A good night and I'll be going again.

I'm going out en femme this evening. I believe I mentioned that there was a TG Meeting Group around here. And I was planning to go to it next week. Well, it appears that there's going to be some kind of birthday bash going on tonight and so I've changed all my plans and I'm going to rush around like a blue-arsed fly this evening when I get home (I don't finish here until 6.00! Argh!)

I'm a bit nervous because I've not done one of these TG Social things for a long time. This is despite the fact that I'm almost guaranteed a positive reception there.

Now I just need to decide what to wear! What a dilemma!

Photos! More girly pictures of MEEEEEE!

Some fairly old ones, some not very good ones and some showing how fat I got. And some showing how much weight I lost. And one with a very cute cat.

Which is pretty much it for the easy updating stuff on the website. Now I've got to actually think about what to do. Anyone got any suggestions?

I was awake at five this morning. Which isn't a good thing, because, on the whole, I'd rather be sleeping. But, it did give me a chance to do something useful.

So, I've updated the look of Ellen's website. It very much follows the look of the main page with some slight differences. But, it looks so much better than it used to. And, hey! No more Comic Sans! And there is a new picture on the front page.

Not much of the text has changed - although I have added the new biography page that I wrote for The Crossdresser's Wife and a bookshop page.

Please have a look and let me know what you think. Thanks.

I've written a piece that is going to become part of the new-look Ellen's website when I finally get around to updating it which, should, hopefully, be in the not too distant future. It came about because I came across a website called 'The Crossdresser's Wife' which is, as you would perhaps expect, a website written by the wife of a crossdresser. One of the things she asked for was for people to write a piece about their experiences (either as crossdresser or as a friend/partner of same). I decided that it'd be a good thing to do. So I did it. And it's a here. Go. Read. Let me know what you think. Let 'The Wife' know what you think.

I don't do resolutions. Especially not New Year's ones. It seems like whenever I've made a NYR in the past, I've pretty much immediately failed to do anything about it. As such, I only make decisions and choices. And New Year seems like a reasonable time to do this. I mean, yeah, it's an artificial point that only exists due to the incorrect accounting made by a bunch of blokes-in-dresses about the birthday of a person who I don't actually believe existed anyway, but, hell, I had a good Christmas.

Anyway, I've made a few decisions based around wanting to fix things that didn't work last year. The most important ones are that I want to see my friends a lot more often this year. Last year we (i.e. Candy and I) could go for weeks without seeing any of the people (other than relations) who are special to us and we want to change that this year. (Already started! I spent the day with shewhomust and durham_rambler last week.)

Secondly, Candy and I want to actually do more stuff together. All we seem to have done for most of the year is sit on our arses in the evening and watch telly. Admittedly, when what we're watching is The Wire, it's bloody hard to want to do anything else, but we've nearly finished season 4 and then there's only season 5 and then it's over. What do we do after that??? We nearly bought tickets to go and see West Side Story at the Theatre Royal, but, unfortunately, they were just a teensy bit too expensive (I mean, £15 for the Gods? That's what I call over-priced!) (However, we did spend the day together last week, which was wonderful. So I can tick that one off as being started as well.)

Thirdly, I've decided that Ellen need to get out more. I think that I only got completely dressed up about three times in 2008 and that's really crap. So, I'm going to try and get out at least once a month (or, failing that, get fully dressed - clothes, make up, jewellery, the lot!) at least once a month. To that end, I've found a TG social group (as far as I know, it is purely social. It doesn't claim to be a support group and I really don't have any need of support. I've got amazing support from all my family and friends) and I'm going to start going to that. I think it's probably going to be the week after next (not next week, because it's on a Wednesday evening and I am working until 6.00 next Wednesday.)

So, that's two out of three decisions with a very strong start. I just need to keep it going and, really, it shouldn't be that hard. Should it?

One of the good things about being a transvestite. I can decide to wear woolly tights if I want to, without worrying about it. And I actually have some to wear.

Here are a couple of pictures to show how much I've changed over the past year. And to show you how I looked on Saturday at the party. I have to admit, I'm pretty amazed about how different I look. And very, very happy...

( After a cut, to save your precious bandwidth emission footprint. )

Over the weekend, I decided that the time was right to go through my wardrobe and get rid of the clothes that no longer fit me. I'd already done this with my boy clothes a few weeks ago, now it was time to do the same with my girl clothes.

And, boy (boy? Girl...) there was loads. Skirts, dresses, blouses. I can no longer claim that I have more girl clothes than boy.

In a way it was a wrench, because I really liked some of the clothes that no longer fit. But, in another way - yay! I'm skinny! (Well, not skinny, but certainly a lot slimmer than I was.)

I'm having a party at the end of the month. I shall photgraph my new girlish frame and astound you all with how I look. Perhaps with a before and after shot so you can all fake gasps of astonishment at how good I look.

Of course, bonus: More shopping!

Well, as I said in the last post, I've come out at work. I guess I'll talk a little more about it.

It wasn't entirely planned but, it's happened. Here's how...

( Are you sitting comfortably? Then I'll begin.. )

I've just discovered that the people in the office here may have some inklings about my crossdressing, mainly because they've caught sight of some of the pictures people have posted on LJ. So, I'm considering coming out more fully here. One person knows - my line manager and she's really cool with it and wants to see me dressed.

It's all my own fault, of course. After all, I know I shouldn't really be reading LJ at work (but hey, I get all my work done first...). I'm just wondering what everyone else thinks. Is it better to be thought a perv because I wear dresses rather than because I like look at pictures of men in dresses?

I don't know if you've noticed but I haven't been posting much these last couple of months. It's partly been due to being reasonably busy at work and partly due to just being totally blocked with writing anything. There has been a similar dearth of email-age (and, I apologise to anyone and everyone to whom I owe one. I'd make a list but I think it'd just be too intimidating. There are a lot of people I need to email) and also in my story writing and editing. The edit on Down Among The Yla has completely stalled. I think yesterday was the first time I looked at it in about six weeks.
( A long catch-up entry )

I’ve got a new project sneaking into my head. Because, you know, I really need a new project.

Anyway, this at least partially, comes under the heading of ‘LJ Knows All’. I’m going to try to make a list of books – I’m more interested in fiction than non-fiction – that deals with transvestite or transsexual themes or characters. I don’t want to include books that are specifically aimed at a transgender audience but more those books which deal with these themes in books aimed at a general audience. I’ve got a few already, just off the top of my head, so I’ll put these down as a starter. And, when I get a chance, I’ll add links to Amazon for them, or something like that.

Myra Breckenridge by Gore Vidal
Myron by Gore Vidal
Steel Beach by John Varley
Orlando by Virginia Woolf
Luna by Julie Ann Peters
The Masqueraders by Georgette Heyer
Gerald/ine – Monica Jay

So, any other suggestions?

It's Monday. And, do y'know what? I can't be arsed. I've essentially done nothing today. Nothing that was anything like useful, anyway. (Well, not quite true. I printed out and signed my Staff Appraisal - I am loved - and I made a list of the teachers and what courses they do. Neither one took more than about five minutes.) What I did do was catch up on the news from the comics world as there was a major comic con in New York this weekend. And there was, basically, nothing there that interested me overly, with the possible exception of the new DC weekly comic, Countdown. And that's not a jump-up-and-down-with-excitement book. It's a 'well, I enjoyed 52 mostly and this one is being done by Paul Dini, so I guess I'll probably get it' kind of deal. Which is not exactly the greatest of recommendations, is it? Everything else was even more 'meh'.

Had quite a good weekend. Well, a good Sunday, anyway. Saturday was one of those utterly exhausted and feeling pissed off kind of days. I don't like having them. And Candy doesn't like me having them either. Oh well, two parties to go to in March. SO that's something to look forward to. And, I have essentially been instructed to go as Ellen to one of them. Which is always good.

I'd just to like thank all the people who commented about my photos in such glowing terms. You are lovely, warm, gorgeously pink and fluffy human beings. And, of course, you just encourage me to do it more. So it's all on your heads. Because, you know, if I didn't get positive feedback, I wouldn't keep doing it.

Clinique makeover On Wednesday afternoon I had my haircut and then, after that, went into town and had a makeover by a very nice woman called Martine who works at the Clinique counter in Boots. After that, I went to see shewhomust and durham_rambler. shewhomust indulged my narcissistic tendencies and took photos of me. I've put the results up in an LJ gallery. I was really happy with the results, I thought the hair and make up made me look the most feminine I've been in a very long time.

ETA: This is the link to the actual gallery.